I apologize in advance for the lengthy post, but I really had to get all of this off my chest somehow. I would appreciate any input at all, even if it involves insulting me personally.
I recently watched the movie Office Space which, while growing up, was one of my all-time favorite movies. But now that I have graduated college and have been working full time for about a year and a half, I no longer find any humor in it. Now it really hits too close to home. I watch it and I see myself and my life. Particularly relatable lines are “I space out for about an hour after lunch, but it looks like I’m working” and “human beings weren’t meant to live like this.”
To give you a little background on myself, while in school, I was always interested and talented in math. I did great on every standardized math test from elementary school to the SAT’s and ACTs. Also, because I grew up in the suburbs where mine and most parents had corporate jobs, I always envisioned myself being at the office 9-5 for my job. I never really gave any thought to anything else. Naturally, my math aptitude, and desire to work a corporate job, meant that I was destined to be an actuary. When I first received my job offer I was incredibly excited and proud of being one of the few people my age getting a really good paying, full time job right out of college, and I thought I had just achieved everything I have ever wanted. Unfortunately, this working experience has not lived up to the hype at all.
My job seems to be about 10% analysis that I find somewhat enjoyable, and 90% government mandated busy work that requires specific experience and knowledge rather than real “mathematical/quantitative” thought. Even the part that I somewhat enjoy is still nothing compared to the school work that really made me choose this career path. While in college, a mathematics professor would assign a difficult problem, I would try really hard to figure it out and was rewarded with the knowledge that I figured out that problem that 90% of the class did not. Now if I figure out a difficult problem, there is no reward, because that is what I was expected to do. There is no competition element. There is hardly any reward or joy that comes from what I am devoting 40 to 50 hours a week to.
But, regardless of what I am actually doing while at work, the entire corporate environment is the thing that is really sucking me dry of all happiness in my life. The fact that I am cooped up in an office, starring at a computer screen, eyes sore and watering by the end of the day, sitting in a chair so that my back is killing me at the end of the day. I only get 4 weeks of PTO and 6 holidays a year compared to going to class for 150 days a year and working part time in the summer for the previous 16 years of my life. Days in college were less compact, going to an hour class at nine then playing an hour of inter mural basketball before another hour class, compared to working 4.5 hours straight without hardly taking my eyes off the screen, maybe taking a half hour of lunch then back at it for another 4.5 hours.
Has anyone else had this feeling of depression when they were transitioning from the utopia of teenage and college years to the waste land of full-time corporate work? Will this change when I am fully credentialed? Am I just not cut out for this type of work? Part of me wants to quit and become a park ranger, or join the military. With jobs like those I get to interact with other humans face to face not through email all day, be outside most of the time instead of a depressing office, and move around and get exercise throughout the day instead of sitting in a chair. The appeal of just one of those things is enough for me to quit right now. Graduate school is another option that crosses my mind every now and again. Honestly, even the thought of teaching high school math sounds better than what I am doing right now, and that is something I thought I would never say.
The only thing holding me back from quitting is the fact that I enjoy the non-work related parts about my job. The pay is really good. I enjoy talking about math/finance related topics with co-workers. I enjoy explaining what I do for a living to people because it makes me feel smart and it usually impresses them. I enjoy being a productive member of society/ being a tax payer. My parents and grandparents are very proud of me being successful at a young age. But are these things really worth wasting my life being unhappy?
Again, any input whatsoever would be appreciated.
I recently watched the movie Office Space which, while growing up, was one of my all-time favorite movies. But now that I have graduated college and have been working full time for about a year and a half, I no longer find any humor in it. Now it really hits too close to home. I watch it and I see myself and my life. Particularly relatable lines are “I space out for about an hour after lunch, but it looks like I’m working” and “human beings weren’t meant to live like this.”
To give you a little background on myself, while in school, I was always interested and talented in math. I did great on every standardized math test from elementary school to the SAT’s and ACTs. Also, because I grew up in the suburbs where mine and most parents had corporate jobs, I always envisioned myself being at the office 9-5 for my job. I never really gave any thought to anything else. Naturally, my math aptitude, and desire to work a corporate job, meant that I was destined to be an actuary. When I first received my job offer I was incredibly excited and proud of being one of the few people my age getting a really good paying, full time job right out of college, and I thought I had just achieved everything I have ever wanted. Unfortunately, this working experience has not lived up to the hype at all.
My job seems to be about 10% analysis that I find somewhat enjoyable, and 90% government mandated busy work that requires specific experience and knowledge rather than real “mathematical/quantitative” thought. Even the part that I somewhat enjoy is still nothing compared to the school work that really made me choose this career path. While in college, a mathematics professor would assign a difficult problem, I would try really hard to figure it out and was rewarded with the knowledge that I figured out that problem that 90% of the class did not. Now if I figure out a difficult problem, there is no reward, because that is what I was expected to do. There is no competition element. There is hardly any reward or joy that comes from what I am devoting 40 to 50 hours a week to.
But, regardless of what I am actually doing while at work, the entire corporate environment is the thing that is really sucking me dry of all happiness in my life. The fact that I am cooped up in an office, starring at a computer screen, eyes sore and watering by the end of the day, sitting in a chair so that my back is killing me at the end of the day. I only get 4 weeks of PTO and 6 holidays a year compared to going to class for 150 days a year and working part time in the summer for the previous 16 years of my life. Days in college were less compact, going to an hour class at nine then playing an hour of inter mural basketball before another hour class, compared to working 4.5 hours straight without hardly taking my eyes off the screen, maybe taking a half hour of lunch then back at it for another 4.5 hours.
Has anyone else had this feeling of depression when they were transitioning from the utopia of teenage and college years to the waste land of full-time corporate work? Will this change when I am fully credentialed? Am I just not cut out for this type of work? Part of me wants to quit and become a park ranger, or join the military. With jobs like those I get to interact with other humans face to face not through email all day, be outside most of the time instead of a depressing office, and move around and get exercise throughout the day instead of sitting in a chair. The appeal of just one of those things is enough for me to quit right now. Graduate school is another option that crosses my mind every now and again. Honestly, even the thought of teaching high school math sounds better than what I am doing right now, and that is something I thought I would never say.
The only thing holding me back from quitting is the fact that I enjoy the non-work related parts about my job. The pay is really good. I enjoy talking about math/finance related topics with co-workers. I enjoy explaining what I do for a living to people because it makes me feel smart and it usually impresses them. I enjoy being a productive member of society/ being a tax payer. My parents and grandparents are very proud of me being successful at a young age. But are these things really worth wasting my life being unhappy?
Again, any input whatsoever would be appreciated.
Closet Job Hater Needs Advice